The Joy of Sanctification

Reader beware as you read this post. Any previous opinions you have formed about me may come crashing to a halt as you discover a weak woman struggling constantly in a battle with sin. Or perhaps your opinion of me will only be confirmed if you are one of the few who knows me all too well. Either way, my hope in this particular post is to reveal how God has been at work in the last several years (and months in particular), painfully pruning this heart of mine so that ultimately I might bear fruit for the glory of His name!

I suppose it starts a bit further back in my teenage years when I was first introduced to the Doctrines of Grace. (for those of you who are not familiar with the Doctrines of Grace, you can check out this website http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/105_The_Doctrines_of_Grace/4235_Rebuilding_Some_Basics_of_Bethlehem_The_Doctrines_of_Grace/ )

Through a string of events following my introduction to calvinism/doctrines of grace over a course of 4 years or so, which I do not have time nor space to go into today, I ultimately ended up at Boyce College, studying Biblical and Theological studies. I was preparing for the ministry, although unsure in what capacity. And, as most of you know, I soon met Andrew at Boyce, got married about a year and a half later, and well....3 years and 2 kids after that, here I am! And God has been doing some incredible work in my life since becoming a wife and mother. A work that has been painful, and yet oddly enough, joyful at the same time. And it is that work that I want to share with you!

Imagine growing up and NEVER, literally NEVER, having to struggle with anger issues. That was me. It took a lot of offenses against me to get me angry. I had many friends over the course of the years who were considered hard to get along with because of certain quirks or mannerisms or whatever it may be, because I was able to bear with them and help and encourage them with a lot more patience than most people were willing to put into a difficult relationship. Please don't misinterpret this....I am in no way boasting. I thought I had things pretty together. But by the incredible grace of God, I soon found out, I didn't (and still don't!)

Enter motherhood. Imagine a young mother feeling anger welling up in her heart that she has NEVER experienced before. Suddenly she finds herself flying off the handle over the most petty and ridiculous things like soiled underwear or incessant whining. Whoa. What just happened? How is this possible? The girl who used to bear with so much patience the offenses and sins of others is now unable to patiently bear the sins of her own children!

Toddlerhood brought to light the incredible amount of selfishness and sinfulness of my heart. And coupled with a lack of sleep with a newborn now on the scene, and it took me quite off guard! At first this realization of my anger only caused me to be incredibly grumpy and dwell in self pity. I don't think I was all that easy to live with, to be honest with you! But then God was so incredibly gracious to help me begin to reach out for help to other mothers. And wouldn't you know it, a fellow young mother in my church was struggling with the exact same thing: anger! Through the prayers and support of several of the women in my church (as well as my incredibly patient and kind husband), I began to realize how little "together" I really had things. Even 17 years into my Christian life, I have a horrendously sinful heart! And with this realization came a fresh, sweet realization of the patience and mercy of God!
Don't get me wrong, it is difficult to have your sins revealed. It is a painful process of seeing the sin, realizing the detriment it is to the gospel, and repenting! Then there is the battle to continually fight the sin, as usually it is not something that will just go away. It's a struggle, and it's hard! But to think that after so many years of having a pretty "easy" walk with the Lord, so to speak, God would love me enough to show me that hidden in my heart are sins offensive to Him, is amazing! That means God is loving me enough to help me rid of those things which are hindering me from becoming more like Christ! By patiently bearing with my sins and helping me to defeat them, God is filling my heart to the brim! That is my greatest desire and joy in life....to give glory to God! And since giving glory to God is reflecting him as glorious in all my thoughts, attitudes and actions, then there is no room for sin! But as I am unable to defeat sin on my own, I only rejoice when God helps me through the ministry of His Word, my husband, and fellow women who have been there, done that! Wow, the cross of Christ is truly amazing, truly precious and truly my ONLY salvation from sin!

God's Word has become more precious to me than it has ever been. I am weak, sinful, and am so much more aware of that now through the trial of motherhood, and I am at the same time, thankful for that! By God's grace I am striving to be patient in training and disciplining my chidren, knowing ultimately it's not about ME and my children disobeying ME. It is about pointing my children to the Gospel, showing them their sins against God, and patiently training them so that they may, Lord willing, someday embrace the truths of the Gospel for themselves. So my anger, my impatience and harshness is absolutely unnecessary and sinful, and in no way aides in the ultimate goal! God's precious Word helps me keep Christ as the center focus and gives me strength to be loving, kind and tender toward my children, even in the midst of their sin!

I'm so thankful for a loving, patient and longsuffering God, aren't you, friends?!

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday Andrew and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary! Andrew bought me beautiful roses and took me out to a fancy restaurant for dinner, and I woke up when Andrew got home from UPS and made him his favorite breakfast....pancakes! :) We had a wonderful day! Although I am daily mindful of how blessed I am to be Andrew's wife, it was a great day for reflection concerning our marriage. We live a pretty wild and crazy life at the moment, juggling a newborn, a busy toddler, church ministry, school and work for Andrew and of course all the little surprises in between that take us off guard! There are several days a week where I literally only see Andrew for a whole 45 minutes (awake time) before he is off to both jobs, and even then, we maybe get a few quick hellos and I love you's before we have to part! It's even less time than that when the semester us in full gear. So I am thankful to have anniversaries to remind us to slow down and just be together! Andrew is a very thoughtful husband, however, and he does try to get several "just because" date nights in without the kids so we can reconnect as often as possible.

I love my husband. :) For so many reasons, the biggest of them being that He truly helps me love and cherish Christ more. He IS a picture of Christ to me in his sacrifice, compassion, patience, selflessness and strength in leading our family in godly ways. As a result, I see Christ and His love better,and cherish Him more! Wow! Ultimately that is what it is all about! We are MOST happy when we cherish Christ! As we love and serve our Maker, Savior and Lord, we bring Him glory....and in that, we are most satisfied and most happy! So, for my husband to lead me and serve me in such a way that helps me grow spiritually and ultimately be happy in Christ, he is loving me beyond just buying me roses and trying to please me with material things and romantic charms. He is loving me as Christ loves me! Not perfectly of course, as Andrew is NOT Christ and not perfect, but with purpose and care and passion!

Did I mention that I love my husband? Well, three years and two beautiful boys later, I love him more than I did when we first confessed our love for eachother, and more than when we said our vows before God and man! Thank you, gracious and merciful Father, for the blessing of my husband! Through his love and leadership, I am learning to love you more! May you, Lord Jesus, be honored and glorified above all else in our union...may we always have a heart to worship you and bring you glory with our lives!